I heard we made out
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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