Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
