fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
