We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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