It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
