11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
