and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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