I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
