I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
