Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
