Sponge bath it is.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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