dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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