1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I CAN MOONWALK!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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