We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
