Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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