forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm always down for nudity.
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