...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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