the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
