If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
