How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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