I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
