I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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