this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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