oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
