So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
