Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
