Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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