did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
