People in love make me want to vomit
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
