atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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