i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
