Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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