Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
