That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
