Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
