I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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