She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
