And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
high people should be assigned attendants
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
