If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
