I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
