Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
