I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
