my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
