Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
