where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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