So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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