she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont even know how to be here
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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