he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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