i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize