I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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