I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
