Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
