A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the day after is always just damage control
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
