i just google imaged poop.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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