Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
