If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
