sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
