Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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