I puked a lego.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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