What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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