I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ttyl tear gas
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
