The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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