I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
