Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
