This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
