It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
