You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
