Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
