someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize