i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
