I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
