our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
